Let the quiz begin!..
You are at a friend’s party, hanging in the kitchen. What are you doing there?
A. Avoiding the noise and commotion of people who irritate you…and seeing if anyone will realise you are missing and come to invite you back to the party.
B. Compiling a cheese platter while simultaneously washing up a batch of wine glasses to make sure the party doesn’t run out of glasses.
C. Helping yourself to an unclaimed beer in the fridge and “testing” the cheese platter. You might offer to help wash up, but only if you are confident the bulk of the work has already been done.
D. What party? You never were invited to the party.
E. Breeze in at just the right moment to help dry the glasses before mixing a tray of lychee champagne cocktails to share around. On your way out of the kitchen you notice the glum person in the corner, and you offer them a champas and get them to re join the party.
F. None of the above.
Your workplace decides to do an obligatory Secret Santa this year. What do you do?
A. Start a private whatsapp group with key individuals to brainstorm ideas on how the Secret Santa should have been done and to share useful info about who really wants to buy presents for whom.
B. Get to work compiling an email outlining the protocol for the Secret Santa including budget constraints. Then disseminate email and follow up emails leading up to the Secret Santa event. After all the success of the Secret Santa depends on everyone’s participation!
C. Pick up something last minute for what’s-her-name. Surely this $5 thingy will pass as something that cost between $20 and $30.
D. Attempt to wrap your head around the rules (and point) of the Secret Santa’ game. Sure you’ve heard of it, but you can’t think of a time when you actually had to do it. In the end you settle on a practical gift that someone could actually use like a fruit hamper or stationery.
E. Happen to know your Secret Santa’s favourite type of chocolate so you just pick up a deluxe edition box of those and throw in some super cute Xmas themed bed socks. This is a great chance for you to mention how much you appreciate working with them so you whip up a personalised hand-made card using some glitter pens and lovely textured parchment you have from another craft project. Then you wrap it with some gold ribbon from last year to give it that finishing Christmas touch.
F. None of the above.
Imagine you have a sister-in-law and said sister-in-law has announced she is hosting Christmas this year, but as she doesn’t like your father-in-law or his children they will not be invited.
You handle this delicate situation by:
A. boycotting your sister-in-law’s Christmas. You make multiple phone calls to family members to discuss why Christmas should be at [insert other family member name]‘s and to let everyone know that’s where you will be instead on detailed social media posts.
B. offering to get there early and help your sister in law cook…and offer to host boxing day at your place so that father-in-law et al can come to that at least.
C. admitting it’s probably a bit harsh…but on the positive side your sister-in-law has a swimming pool, and she makes the best roast.
D. booking a trekking holiday in Tasmania. Tassie has always been on your bucket list and you’d rather do something actually enjoyable with the bit of time you have off.
E. chuckling to yourself about ‘humans’ and their adorably flawed natures. You are optimistic these minor hiccups can be ironed out. That’s what Christmas is for after all, and if not, there is always boxing day. Whatever happens you are sure it will be a blast.
F. None of the above. What kind of quiz is this?
Get your results:
Mixture A B C D E F = Warning: This quiz is not intended to substitute the qualified advice of a trained psychologist.
Mostly A’s = Drama Lama
Who doesn’t love lamas? Everyone one loves lamas! Well everyone except people that have had much to do with them. That is because lamas are fussy creatures bristling with anxiety and attitude whilst perpetually involved in petty power struggles within their social hierarchy.
If you find that much of your festive season is peppered by lengthy phone calls to friends and family explaining who said what to whom, and why so-and-so is out of line etc…then you might unfortunately be a Drama Lama.
Calm down! Don’t get yourself in a tizzy yet. It’s not all bad news.
Not at all. Sure, Drama Lamas are over sensitive and needy. They are herd creatures. Nothing occupies them more than the people close (emotionally or spatially) to them. Their herd is their world. No wonder you Drama Lama’s blow things out of proportion. At least you care! If Christmas isn’t about caring, then what is it about?! Not including open bars, and boxing day sales.
Drama lamas often cop flack for being demanding or highly strung. However, their demanding, biting nature often stems from a Drama Lama’s underlying lack of self-confidence and fear of rejection. If you were a defenceless prey animal, whose only chance of survival depended on acceptance from other defenceless prey animals- you might be a little insecure also!
The other truth bomb about Drama Lamas is that they often have a point. They often are offended and shitty because people’s behaviour is offensive and shitty. This is even more true around “the most magical time of the year” which can bring out the worst in people. Just because no one else is ready to complain that dad is not coming to Christmas because he’s gone to Fiji with his receptionist, or that Aunt Helen is coming anyway even though she cheated Mum out of her inheritance, doesn’t mean Drama Lama’s have to be “cool” with it also. Someone has got to speak up!
Advice for Drama Lamas:
- Christmas time actually needs Drama Lamas. Only use your power of whinging and whining for good. Do not create petty problems just for attention. Use your amazing long neck and eyelashes to get attention.
- Try not to project your insecurity onto others. If you feel anxious, have another glass of alcoholic punch. That’s what it’s there for.
- A little gossip can really spice up a drab Christmas party- but please only use your gossiping skills to bring joy and amusement to others. Spread cute, flattering rumours or divulge secrets about outsiders that nobody knows well. That way no one gets their feelings hurt and this will ultimately endear you more to your herd than magnifying tension.
If you can just make these few changes people will see you for the adorably unique fluffy creature that you truly are!
Mostly B’s = Busy Beaver
At Christmas parties you are the one to pick up empty cups, scrape plates, restock the dip, or crush more ice. You would prefer to martyr yourself on the dirty dishes, than stand around chatting and “doing nothing”. People rarely even get a chance to talk to Busy Beavers at parties since they are so busy doing stuff in the background that people don’t notice they are there.
Before you make a Christmas wish to be more fun Busy Beaver, please know that we need your kind to do the boring organisational work that allows the other more fun animals to party.
Advice for Busy Beavers
1. Do not feel guilty about not being the life of the party. Be proud that you are the backbone of it. In entertainment we call that “the crew”…and we professionals know that although the stars get all the credit, it’s the backstage crew, with their camouflaging black outfits, that actually make the show happen.
2. Just help as much as you are genuinely happy to. Christmas already has one martyr and that’s almost too many.
3. Do not let the task of the party overshadow the purpose behind the party. Beavers are truly social animals. The Beaver slaves making its dam for loved ones. Christmas is not about laborious perfectionism. It’s about the people who benefit from your tireless work ethic and perfectionism. Do not let the organisation and clean-up distract you from appreciating the loved ones who are too self-absorbed to help you.
Mostly C’s = Christmas Fat Cat
Christmas party season is just a blur of self satisfying overindulgence for you if you are a Christmas Fat Cat. You like to get maximum pleasure for minimum effort. You are out to get what you can get, and since Christmas is the time for giving, that is usually quite a bit.
At Christmas parties you are usually found at the bar guzzling up the bar tab with top shelf orders, or at the buffet getting your 3rd or 7th plate of food. You forgo the joy of mystery in the Secret Santa and peek in the boxes to make sure you get something you actually want. You often turn up to Christmas parties already half pissed because you were busy indulging in the complimentary Christmas spirit somewhere else prior. You happily take the drumstick off the roast despite the fact that little nephew Hudson doesn’t eat any other bit apart from the drumstick. You don’t feel a shred of remorse for gulping all the brandy custard when you don’t even like mince pies.
The list goes on.
You experience no downside to your style of celebrating…until after Christmas when the free champagne has stopped flowing and the presents have all been opened. Then you are left with nothing but a few extra kilos, a mild alcohol addiction and an underused gym membership. Although this never bothers you too much so long as your bank balance is only dented. For all the Christmas cheer you enjoyed, you mostly did it at other’s expense.
Advice for Christmas Fat Cats
While it’s great to lap up all the Christmas cream, do realise that your selfish, lazy ways don’t go unnoticed. While many wont mind- there are some people that might be genuinely hurt or disappointed by your lack of effort, contribution and empathy. By being so focused on what you can get, you are missing out on one of the purest joys of Christmas and that is what you can give. So why not try to up your game a little this year and really put some thought and effort into others, without wanting something in return…as well as enjoying those free canapes.
Mostly D’s = Grizzly Chrissy Bear
Christmas? What Christmas? You haven’t been dumb enough to experience a Christmas in years. You successfully manage to boycott it each year by hibernating- either by literally sleeping through it or metaphorically by burying yourself in work, travel, pagan festivals etc. However you do it, when Christmas comes around you go underground, MIA if you will. You aren’t back on the social grid until sometime before or after New Year’s (depending on if you are also a Grizzly New Year bear or not).
Maybe Christmas upsets you or maybe now you just think it’s an tacky, expensive waste of time. The masses’ contrived attempts to have fun while desperately clutching at some annual “family” cliché, make you feel both pity and nausea. The only thing you enjoy about Christmas is the mild feeling of superiority you get from being at the top of the intellectual food chain as you are one of the few people who aren’t suckered in to the cheesy, commercialised rort that is “Christmas”.
As every show needs a cynical, visionary Director, society needs a few people who see past the matrix and refuse to be cogs in the machine. Not Christmas parties though. Nope. Christmas parties need fun people.
Advice for Grizzly Chrissy Bears:
We get that you are a Grizzly Bear, and Christmas time makes you cranky and you need a big lie down. That’s ok. You don’t need to succumb to the predictable social norms of the masses. You can find your own, authentic ways to have fun and appreciate those around you.
But a little bit of “when in Rome” wouldn’t kill ya either. Just sayin’. You will definitely be invited to more parties if you lighten up a bit.
Mostly E’s = Xmas Unicorn
We’ve seen people like you in movies. Many of us know someone who knows someone like you, but few have ever had the chance to know an Xmas Unicorn. Unicorns are at the parties, they are hosting the parties, they have a great time at the parties, they make other people have a great time at the parties. If the Xmas Unicorn is your spirit animal, you are one of the few mesmerising individuals who somehow make the silly season, with its increase in mental health cases, seem like…a holiday filled with love, laughter and celebration. They make enjoying oneself in a group, look so effortless that it’s almost enough to really piss everyone else off. Almost. One look in the Xmas Unicorn’s big sparkling eyes and it’s impossible to resent them.
Xmas unicorn’s appear immune to childhood induced Christmas baggage. If festivities in your house were ever hampered by an alcoholic parent or a strict religious upbringing, we would never know. It’s as if the Xmas Unicorn was raised in a magical society where the art of fun was taught from a young age. Either way, Xmas Unicorns are busy making fun in the here and now and don’t dwell on the imperfections of the past like the other mortal spirit animals do.
If you know an Xmas Unicorn, do not be intimidated. Count your self lucky and try to bask in their rainbow Christmas glow as much as possible.
Advice for Xmas Unicorns:
If you are an Xmas Unicorn and you happen to be reading this, just ah, keep up the good work… Maybe don’t always be sooo sparkly rainbow. You can sometimes just be like one or two colours…but sparkly rainbow is still great.
Everyone just loves sparkly rainbow.
Mostly F’s = You failed the quiz!
Na just joking. Looks like your Christmas spirit animal isn’t here. Let us know if you know what it is and why in the comments below!